Nursing issues


Register Forgot your password?

Nursing Jokes...

You need to be logged in to get access to the forums. You can do so here

Author Nursing Jokes...

Persephone

(offline)

Persephone

  • Joined: May 2010
  • Location: NSW
  • Posts: 31

Wed May 19, 2010 12:05 pm

Here are a collection of nursing jokes I found amusing and thought I'd share... Enjoy! :-)

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.
"I am ’Gina the Great’," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses refute her.
The nurses quickly aurgued amongst themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first.
"I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break!"

It’s hard to live with a nurse because...
1) When you forget to flush the toilet, you get a complete analysis with a plan on how to correct any noted problems.
2) Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut small pieces because she doesn’t want to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of work on the only holiday she’s had off in years.
3) You’ve been awakened from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to find her shaking you because your breathing patterns were a little too close to a Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I’m sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor comes into the room. "What’s going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Well, no. I guess I haven’t. Not with a carnation anyway."

A nurse dies and goes to heaven. She is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter who asks her questions about her life. Over St. Peter’s shoulder the nurse spots a man in a white coat sitting on a cloud with a stethoscope around his neck. "Oh brother!", she cries. "Is that a doctor?" St Peter glances over his shoulder and says, "No, that’s God. He just thinks he’s a doctor."

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?
Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Persephone

(offline)

Persephone
  • Joined: May 2010
  • Location: NSW
  • Posts: 31

Jun 02, 2010, 04:56 pm

Nursing ::: Nurse Jokes First Aids Pharmacy
Nurse Jokes
Top ten reasons to become a nurse:
Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
Needles: "Tis better to give then receive"
Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually.
Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.
Interesting aromas.
Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
Celebrate all the holidays with your friends- at work.
Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
You know you're a nurse if...

You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night.
You believe not all patients are annoying ... some are unconscious.
Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.
You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.
Almost everything can seem humorous ... eventually.
When asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your shoes.
Every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing than he can.
You carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver.
You refuse to watch ER because it's too much like the real thing and triggers "flash backs."
You check the caller ID when the phone rings on your day off to see if someone from the hospital is trying to call to ask you to work.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.
You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.
Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you.
You can intubate your friends at parties.
You don't get excited about blood loss ... unless it's your own.
You live by the motto, "To be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult."
You've basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe.
You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need help.
Eating microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.
When checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answer.
You find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines.
You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner break, sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
You've sworn you're going to have "NO CODE" tattooed on your chest.
3 Nurses and a Wish
A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.

"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly aurgued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.

"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.

The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.
" She's incredibly mixed up," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely backwards.
Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours.
She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing.
Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours.
She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.
" Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
hehe..

(offline)

  • Joined:
  • Posts:

Jun 08, 2012, 03:02 am

Heheh, Thanks a lot

mediserve

(offline)

  • Joined: Oct 2012
  • Location:
  • Posts: 5

Oct 30, 2012, 04:23 pm

hahahaha...thanks for this jokes!

deecee13

(offline)

  • Joined: May 2013
  • Location:
  • Posts: 10

Jun 16, 2013, 07:42 pm

HAHAHAHA.. I needed that! thanks heaps.

You need t