My heartfelt condolences.
My situation was a little different in that my Pop had commenced palliative care .
Four months before he passed I relocated to the other side of the country to be with him every day which I am so grateful but the last month i was with him was really tough as I finally got to see how much he was suffering and it broke me so i decided to take a quick trip back to my hometown for my partners birthday. We went out for drinks and a movie with friends in the afternoon and I had literally just sat down on the couch with my laptop to book my flight back to my grandad when i got the call he was gone. It took me a really long time to stop being angry at myself for not being there - nothing anybody said to me helped I just needed time to process.
I was working in a palliative care unit at an aged care facility at the time and each loss felt so personal. I spoke with my team and told them what I was going through and they were amazing - my supervisor gave me a phrase to use in times where I was overwhelmed and then my coworkers knew that i needed some air and they would cover me for a break. There were times I didnt even realise I was crying and times I just fell apart because it was so raw.
I won't lie, it was a massive struggle for me and it honestly just takes time. You have to be gentle with yourself, talk about how your feeling and get yourself a solid self care routine (I would go home and go for a run and just cry, then have a hot shower and pour a glass of wine for the housemate and myself and we would talk it out) xx